Monday, October 26, 2015

When You're Scared, You Run Away - But What Happens If You Don't?

It's past midnight, and I'm 'spur-of-the-moment' writing up this post. It may never make it to the internet world, but here we go anyway.

I'm always thinking, more often than not very intensely thinking. 
I've been through a lot in my life, more than anyone should. I've been through so much pain over the past six months, or at least the most part of that. I still don't feel the need to explain why, but if you can relate to heartache and loss and many other horrible experiences, I'm sure you can relate. 

I've always spent my latter years backing down from occasions, opportunities, social events for the fear of anxiety. No, I'm not going to ramble on about 'my story'.. it's neither here nor there. Shit happens, life often sucks, what else is there to say? Maybe one day when I feel like it could benefit people, I'll go through the gruelling last 5 years I've lived in relation to mental health, but for now, I'll just cover bits and bobs.. what ever springs to mind.

Anyway, how many of you turn down opportunities? Back away from potentially scary conversations? Hide away and live a sheltered life due to anxiety? 
Over the past few months, I've been beating that little demon down. Booking that train ticket, wearing that ridiculously outrageous make-up, meeting up with an old friend. Let me tell you, these are three of the countless things I've pushed myself to do, things anxiety would normally steer me away from, and these are things, memories that I now treasure. 
I booked a ticket to London last week to meet with a brand, I was terrified, I almost said no. Then I thought to myself, 'Alright, you'll be nervous.. but you'll meet with your first brand. You'll discuss potential opportunities. So what if I get anxious, the feeling disappears, I know from experience. Just do it, just get off your ass and do it'. And I did it. I'm now incredibly excited to be working with Fashion Eyewear, and I also got the opportunity to attend the Lipsy event and meet none other than Michelle Keegan? Yeah, take that anxiety.

I also was recently in contact with an old best friend, and I was so nervous to meet again after so many years had passed. It would have been easy to panic and get too into my head, but I gave myself a damn good talking too. I now have one of the best friends in the world. I have someone who's always there for me, and can cheer me up, eat Chinese food with me and obsess over make-up. 
One of the things I remember about her is her love for roller-coasters and all things 'dangerous', (I guess? Haha!). Unfortunately, (and I really hope she doesn't mind me briefly touching over!), she's suffered so much through her life too, and anxiety plays a huge part in her life, (understandably so). I know it's something as trivial as a roller-coaster, but it really makes me sad that anxiety can take something like that away from somebody. (PS, I appreciate people change and change interests, I'm using this as an example). But this works for most situations. Take me for example, anxiety stopped me watching The Walking Dead for a long time, something I was so enamoured by. I was scared of feeling.. well, feelings. It was scary, but I put the disc in and watched an episode, with my brother by my side. You can't pull me away from that show now! Don't even try. (Love you Rick & Daryl!).
The reasons I stopped watching aren't the show itself, it's memories surrounding the show. I've forgotten them now, I made new memories.
I can clearly see I've gone off on a tangent, but I guess what I'm trying to say is, if you're suffering the consequences of anxiety, tried everything to tackle it. Maybe try putting it to the test? I'm by no means a doctor, and I'm not saying what works for me works for you, but challenging yourself can be one of the most rewarding things. It certainly has been for me. 

Bare in mind, this has taken me five years to get to this place, and nobody can force you to do anything. Only you can force yourself. Do it yourself. 

I really feel this post has gone to too many places, it seriously is just pouring from the head and the heart. Is it even beneficial? I don't know.

To sum up, I have got some of the most amazing friends due to challenging myself, and I have some of the most amazing opportunities, memories, life-changing experiences. Do you know what's most rewarding? I did this. All by myself. I consider myself very independent, very happy and a crazy little bitch and I love it. You can damn well do this. You can take yourself to the most amazing places, mentally, physically. Sometimes you have to scare yourself. Don't run away anymore. Believe in yourself. 

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  1. You know what Nicole? You are amazing. You are such an inspiration and you don't even see it! I too suffer from anxiety and yeaa it does suck form time to time, but all the way through reading through your post, I had thoughts running through my head and they were positive ones! I could not smiling, you made me feel proud for your and for myself, as us as bloggers, we don't realise how much we've achieved. I so want to meet you one day. Even if I met you for an afternoon tea and us talk about all things fashion. beauty, food and our life experiences. You truely are an awesome person! Love what you do, who you are! Keep at it beautiful!

    Isobel x

    Halloween has offically landed over on !!!
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    1. Aww thank you so much Isobel! That's such a sweet comment! I'm so pleased it made you smile, that makes me smile! It'd be lovely to meet you one day, hopefully an event crops up soon!! Keep going girly, lots of love to you!!! xxxxxxxxxx


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